So, we've got a lot of crap going on over here. Crap that I've been a little hesitant to talk about on the blog because it's just been too stressful and heavy for me lately. I thought about just not mentioning it at all, but then, I started this blog to share what's going on in my everyday life, and my life is not all rainbows and sunshine and zombies. I want to be honest about what's going on, so here goes.
Autumn isn't going to kindergarten this year. I'm not sure I want to get into all the awful details of why, but basically we had to pull her out of her school. There is nothing wrong with the school. It's a lovely place and I would have loved to continue sending her there, but sadly the situation was beyond our control. It was a heartbreaking decision to make. Autumn took it well and doesn't seem to be too upset about it, but I was devastated. Just thinking about it now makes me want to cry.
We then wanted to put her in a public school, but found out that we couldn't because of her age. Her birthday is a few weeks after the cutoff date for public school kindergarten, September 1st (at her old school they technically had the same cutoff date, but made exceptions for kids who were ready to move on, which was the case with Autumn). In order to get her into kindergarten "early" she would have had to take a test before the start of the school year, which wouldn't have been a problem, except that we only figured this all out after it was too late.
So what now? Well, I don't really know. I think that's the most difficult part of this whole thing for me; admitting that I don't have all the answers. I don't know where to go from here, and it's making me question my abilities as a mother. Aren't parents supposed to know these things? Am I a bad mom for feeling stuck and not being able to take control of the situation? Does everyone go through this? Is it because I'm so young? Maybe all those people who doubted me when I was 15 and pregnant were right. Maybe I can't be a good mother at such a young age.
I don't know what a good parent is supposed to do now. At this point it looks like we are going to continue to work with her here at home, and next school year she can go to kindergarten or take the early admission test for first grade, depending on what we feel she's ready for. Are we making the right decision? Only time will tell.
Deep down I know that Autumn is very bright and she will be just fine no matter what. I just hope that I will be too.